Baker (15-9), 1.19 WHIP, 4.36 ERA
VS.
Tigers (86-76)
Porcello (14-9), 1.35 WHIP, 4.04 ERA
Gaze into the 20 year old eyes of Rick Porcello. Let the harsh curve of his brim lull you into a seductive slumber of the ages. This is a rarity. 163rd game of the season, tie breaker, do or die, time to fry, on the sly, apple pie, superfly, cup of chai.
I'm of the opinion that a rookie like Porcello could very well crumble under the pressure of fat Minnesotans screaming at him like banshees with food spraying out of their mouths staining the undershirts that hold the bellies that a Twins jersey can't contain. It's enough to make a man's penis wither like a flower in the fall.
I could envision the possibility of some late inning Mauer heroics. Batting title in the bag, just on the cusp of 100 RBIs, the culminated weight of one million pounds of Minnesota fandom on his handsome shoulders. On to glory?
Winner gets the privilege of first crack at booting Yankee bottom, medium style. A dish best served piping hot like some tongue melting evil jungle prince.
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