Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Cthulu Stickin it to You

New Jersey Yankees vs. Orange County Angels
ALCS Game 4

Last night during the Dodgers game, I started to piece together what is really transpiring behind the closed doors of the Dodgers' clubhouse. It came to me as a revelation. An image of staggering spectacle, I saw it all. After every game, Manny Ramirez (aka Predator) runs to the clubhouse, sits back in a chair, and spreads his mighty dreadlocks out across a table.

What happens next is truly disturbing. As the other players filter in from the field after a hard day's competition, they gather sitting around the table entrenched with Predator dreads. Like moths to a flame they come, they come to feast on the succulent juices of the Predator's gnarled locks. They suck away like fiends for a fix, it was a sight to behold.

All the pharmaceuticals that Manny has taken over the years have left substantial traces of performance enhancing properties in the ancient strands of energy that hang from his head. Scientists and MLB officials might wanna look into this, because evidently the Predator's unique genetic makeup has transformed all the steroids he took into a new type of undetectable gun pumping juice that can be sucked from his hair.

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