Exasperatingly Sorry

I'll bet you're sorry. What this video could've been. Maybe not an omega biscuit for the ages, but at least a flavour of the season. Makes me feel like an Eastern European immigrant seeing the crapulence of North America for the first time.

In this case, we've got a Western European immigrant (Geoff Rowley) makin it big stateside. All those wild ass ads over the last few years revealed in full glory. Right away, this vid blows it like a cherry bomb. All this Shane Cross footy that people have been clamoring for like wild women of borneo, and whadda they do? Throw in a bunch of animation that is so distracting you can't even think about how bad the music is.

Rowley's part skimps on the music rights coming up shy of what could've been a doozy. Had they shelled out a bit for the original Stand by Me, that would've been taster's choice. From there the music all goes downhill into some kind of black nailpolish choker necklace lurker composing gothic anthems on a computer in his parent's basement. Yes, I hear you saying, just lay down your own tunes overtop of this, but c'mon, do you really think I have my shit that together? I'm just not that motivated, man. But yeah, this music fuckin sucks.

Damn shame too, cause Rodrigo's part is fuckin legit. I imagine this shit is what Fabian Alomar would wanna skate like in his weed dreamz. Lack of trendy tricks, ender is bonkers, and don't tell me that switch varial flip manny didn't have some Gino flavour.

Suprising amount of Boulala footage, alternate angles from the 90's and some Somalian piratism. Really, a pretty traditional Boulala part. That's that, I'm not gonna speculate on any kind of comeback or anything.

Vov Vurnquist really blew doors with this one though, lemme tell you. He was straight toilet wig splittin with this bionic criddler shit. I loled, I said omg, I might have even squeaked out a zomg, that's how modern this biscuit is. Imagine if you went back in time and showed this part to like a young Bill Dorr or something, their minds would vaporize like a dried turd in a death ray.

Switch back tail the omega rail, and not only that, but they somehow managed to hold on to the make of his grand canyon paradrop and keep it under wraps? Unless I missed it somewhere before... pretty buckland wilder.

I could do without masturbating claymation, but I'm sure there's 13 year olds out there who will be positively thrizzled at the idea.

The british am chap was pretty decent and that Willow dude has the most switch looking regular stuff I've ever seen.


What can you say about this cave troll? It looks like he's making the transition to a grubby park dwelling 60-something homeless dude pretty well. But for reals, I still like Penny footage. Even though he's not at the same level as in his TSA heyday, seein his shit is kinda like seeing an old broseph skating when you haven't skated with em in years.



The only part of the clayfighter business that really jazzed me good was how lunatic fringe they made Lance Mountain look. Like a vampire ape loose in the streets. They make it look like he filmed his whole part in one day, which is a bit of that old George Powell video magic, but I don't think they were honestly trying to fool anybody, just for that old-timey vibe, man.

I guess Appleyard really does have that fly boy element goin on and the Mexican dwarf in tight pants with a ribbon wrapped around his head as last part was a real bad choice.

So, yeppers. I'd like to see some diligent freak re-edit this thing in its entirety with a couple juicy tracks overtop. As it is, it's kinda unwatchable as a whole video. Bumrush the show. Endgame