Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Duos of Four

I guess I'm late to the party, but consider presently the nugs coming out of the geographical underbelly of the elephant to our south. It's strange to think that the skateboard industry has permeated all aspects of the modern teenage brain to establish a media so pervasive that it's self-referential to the point that you can title a video exploit thusly: "Don't Inhabit Your Mind Bag While Flaring More in Texas."

Banquet eaters take note, henceforth the profundity of said prose will be reduced to garbled musings on the state of this and that. Therefore, besot to you all and commence with the breakdown of this 4 Duos video...

Deep in the Heart of Texas

Hossenfeffer, what an introduction to this here satchel of video effects cobbled together by a desperate fellow surely plugging away at a computer for hours on end. Godspeed fathers of revolution. Underwater family vacation poolboarding fantasies turn nicely into the late night tv viewings of a troll mutant twisted on bad crank. They turn the hose on the "B" and pay the price for a job well done.

Is it wrong to refer to Michael Tang as a poor man's Jerry Hsu? These videomakers make the comparison, not me. You're the one that's racialist, man. Don't foist your white ideals on me, I'm into organic patchouli spiritualism.

There's a grip of familiar spots in this vid that have been in some flicks of recent years, your Fully Flareds and what have you. I wonder how Texan locals feel about that? I never had a bunch of sacred shred homes that were to be overly coveted (aside from West Coast Video in Ottawa), so it's hard to comprehend the localism I'd imagine could warrant some resentment on their part (at least I might). How hyped would these 4 Duos fellows be to have the "scoop" on all these concrete havens? Is that what skate videos are today? Competitive spot searchers jockeying for position in the favor of the most cynical vid crid. A fresh canvas never hurt any bench sanding artist, that's for sure.

In the vein of a full video's worth of Sloppy Lou Barletta footage, this 4 Duos video pumps the good time vibe, like trying to squeeze the last hour's enjoyment out of the fading sunlight of an East Houston parking lot for all it's worth. Feel the powervader and cop the wave of the ransack of Turkish delights.

As juicy as poached Sheckler footage is, I must here call attention to the marvel that is Guru Khalsa. Truly upper echelon nu-buck status. Tasteful blend of Jersey bun deliciousness and fearless Zorlac burl generational Texan spillover.

Luke McKirdy is another one of those well over 30 gnarlers pushing his business into the outer realm of what seems possible for a progressively used skateboarder's body. Dudes like him and Bro Gumpright give me some measure of optimism for what lies ahead as the osteoporosis sets in. Indeed, a sight to behold.

Conclusions must be drawn, and they shall be drawn accordingly: Not Too Shab, Babs.

Hats off to Roy Harper, Stephen Harper, and hell, even Ben Harper.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Evergreen and Gasoline

Time for spring cleaning all my bimbos and bambinos. Dust the couch lint out of your backside and prepare yourself for the return of the new energy dreadlocked park dwellers to the streets of our fine city. Disregard their spirited "jamming" on alternative rock relics that aged poorly and keep walking with your eyes averted and your nasal cavity pointed skywards. As we emerge from our dank winter basement caves to embrace the sun of another outdoor year upon this hurtling turd of a globe through the vast quiet confines of our galaxy, we are filled with a new zest for activity.

Delights of the 4 wheeled persuasion combined with the false hope of the fatman that another baseball season brings comingle and dance on the palette of the pleasure receptors to instill a general calm to quell the tempest of the cooped up mind. No longer imprisoned in the stifling dens of unsavory weather, we're free to do as we please.

Fling off your clothes and embalm your pale privates in the cancerous solar flares that bake your leather pants to a perfect crisp.