Turgid Movies # 1

You won't catch me riding wholesome much these days. Most of Hollywood's bloat chokes out anything good in what's pumped out of the studio colons. Ah, but once upon a time, the studio landscape was peppered with gems. I don't need to tell you that TCM is the greatest television station in North America. So, let's take a trip down dusty old memory lane and delve into yesterday.

You are a 10 year old boy. The year is 1959. You walk across the town hall courtyard of a small Midwestern burgh hurriedly on a sunny summer afternoon. You keep looking over your shoulder half terrified at the thought of seeing your mother behind you. You'd pilfered some coins out of her change purse while she was talking on the phone in the kitchen. You could tell it was gonna be one of those conversations that seemed to last forever and you took advantage of the situation. You could always tell right away you were in for a doozy because her chat would start with a high-pitched cutting "HIIIIIIII, NAAAAAAAAANNNCCYYYYYYYY!!!"

You make a beeline for the movie theater. You'd hesitated at first to go through with it, you'd never stolen from her purse before. It seemed to break some moral code you held close to your prepubescent heart, but you went through with it anyways. You are so dedicated to the eternal celluloid battle between cowboys, indians, sheriffs, and villains, that you were driven to a life of crime to satiate your constant desire for western cinematic repose.

Like a junkie that can't escape the thought, your whole world is the wild west. Any chance you get you are right there in the theater, front and center, six rows back. And that's right where you ended up on this bright afternoon, in the dark cool of dim light flickering through cigarette smoke.

The curtains rise and the picture starts. Titles fall on a rocky landscape and your complete attention is absorbed into the movie.





The story has it's share of twists, but you readily gather that Randolph Scott's harsh good guy is bringing in this Billy John character to get hanged. Scott plays Ben Brigade, the hard nosed bounty hunter that tries to play it straight despite the fact he's put his fair share of men to the rope. James Coburn and Pernell Roberts are along for the ride to get amnesty for helping bring Billy John in, and the ever lech-eyed Lee Van Cleef plays Billy John's brother who is in hot pursuit. Karen Steele provides the blonde sass when her husband is killed by Mescalero Indians and her bod is thoroughly coveted by all males in attendance.


You notice the distinct otherness of the Indians. Always looming in the distance, always waiting in the wings, they are presented as a constant threat. When you hear that drum beating in the distance you grab your women and circle the wagons. Your 10 year old mind is used to such a portrayal of Indians. The only time you ever get to see em are in cowboy pictures and on your Bob Feller baseball card. You think to yourself that it's kind of funny you never get a cowboy picture from an Indian's side of the story.

Your grade 5 education has yet to present you with situational ethics, but being a student of western pictures you're waist deep in the stuff without even realizing it. You're well aware that one of the most delicious things a good western can present, even in a half hour of Gunsmoke, is a blur in the line between right and wrong that makes you question your own value system. Contrasting models of greed and the absence of greed clash delightfully as the plight of Billy John's bounty plays out before your eyes.

You walk out of the theater into the still bright day as your eyes struggle to adjust. You have gorged your brain on cowboys and the outside world looks better because of it. It feels as if you're walking on a cloud, floating above the dull realities of the modern world when less than a hundred years ago, cowboys could have been shooting it out right where you're standing. The mere thought of the past lights up your face like a bulb ... that is ... until you remember the grim spectre of your mother. At this very moment she could be waiting to paddle your bottom as soon as you step in the door.




Alas, it is not the year 1959. I don't have a cocktail party to go to and there aren't any tailfins in my driveway. It is the future, and in the spirit of the future and the internet, here are some links for Ride Lonesome should you care to partake:

http://rapidshare.com/files/276077960/Lonesome_JBd.part1.rar

http://rapidshare.com/files/276089794/Lonesome_JBd.part2.rar

http://rapidshare.com/files/276100379/Lonesome_JBd.part3.rar

http://rapidshare.com/files/276175963/Lonesome_JBd.part4.rar

http://rapidshare.com/files/276183596/Lonesome_JBd.part5.rar

http://rapidshare.com/files/276190781/Lonesome_JBd.part6.rar

http://rapidshare.com/files/276167796/Lonesome_JBd.part7.rar