Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Power Blasterz

Alright now, I'm not going to make wild predictions. I'm not going to try and lay some heavy jive upon the palette of your frontal lobe. I'm not even going to try and convince you that the Blue Jays are the unexpected harbingers of unholy power in the American League in 2010...

Because really, both you and I know this whole shebang-ge-bang is not gonna last. Turds sag into gnarly slumps, and bummers crump the ends of those who look too much into tiny sample sizes.

BUT, with that disclaimer fully in place, lets take a look at some of the HEAVY HITTAZ of April and project what they would punch up if they kept on the same keel all the way until the end of September (not gonna happen, bud!).

Big Vern

He'd be on track for 48 home runs if he kept this tease of a blistering rate up till the end of the year. Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Wouldn't life be a land of milk and honey with a mattress full of cash?

A-Gon the Magnificent

This old crone would clock in at 42 dingers if he kept goin' at er like he's been. Someone told me that he resembles E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. I can't say I don't wholly agree with the comparison.

Bautista the Pirate, Plunderin' Yer Booty

This saucy fellow would be in line for 24 home runs this season. He'll give you some zow for your kermuppets, but don't expect that virile stamina inherent in so many latin lovers.

We all know these things won't happen, Vernon Wells will not hit 48 home runs this year, Jose Bautista probably won't come up with 24, this is just fantasy. However, such discombobulated numbers should give you an indication of what an enjoyable April this has been. It won't last, the Yankees haven't even been played, this is not realism ... but it is a fresh biscuit.

1 comment:

P Daddy said...

this is great for conspiracies